


The Night it all Went Wrong

by PadsAndTamprongs



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), POV Remus Lupin, Parent Minerva McGonagall, Remus Lupin Has Issues, Remus Lupin Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-12 10:08:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29633022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PadsAndTamprongs/pseuds/PadsAndTamprongs
Summary: Halloween Night, 1981, was one of the happiest nights for most wizards and witches. The Dark Lord was gone! However, what a lot of people didn't see was Remus Lupin sobbing on the floor of his apartment. Sirius Black getting falsely arrested. James and Lily Potter dead.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Marauders & Minerva McGonagall, Remus Lupin/Minerva McGonagall, Sirius Black/James Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 6





	The Night it all Went Wrong

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy! This is written in Remus' POV :)
> 
> CW: Negative thoughts, character death, panic attack, alcohol, smoking.

Remus aimlessly flicked through the TV channels, before giving up and letting the news play in the background. He was curled up on his sofa, which reminded him of the squashy armchairs in the Gryffindor common room. His mind wandered to the times where Padfoot was cuddled next to him in the common room by the fire. He stared out the window, watching the rain hit it, before hearing his home phone ringing. He sighed, stood up, and picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Remus?" The voice asked. It was shaking, and Remus could hear the person sniffling.

"Oh, hiya Mary. What's up, you okay?"

"Oh, Rem. You haven't heard..." The voice trailed off. 

"Heard what? Mary, you're scaring me." 

Mary took a deep breath, before starting to explain. 

Remus felt his whole world crumbling in front of him. No. NO. 

He felt himself collapsing to the floor, strangled cries drowning out Mary on the other side of the phone. He managed a mumbled, "I have to go." Before ending the call.

He stumbled to the bathroom, leaning over the toilet seat and throwing up. Tears rolled down his cheeks and he slumped against the bathroom door, hugging his knees to his chest. It grew tighter, and he suddenly wasn't able to breathe. Bugger. He couldn't feel his face. He couldn't think straight. He couldn't see. He couldn't hear. Was he shaking? 

Sirius had always been there to calm him down. Panic attacks weren't unusual for him, he'd been having them since he'd been bitten by Fenrir. His parents never really knew how to help him, but at 11 he met the most amazing friends he could ask for. His first one at Hogwarts was in first year, when Snape had snarled, "So, where do you go off to every month?" Nobody besides Dumbledore, McGonagall and Madam Pomfrey knew of his 'furry little problem' at the time, but Sirius could recognise a panic attack when he saw one. He pulled Remus into the empty bathroom and calmed him down, asking him to tell him 4 things he could see, 3 things he could hear, 2 things he could feel and 1 thing he could smell. He also helped him with breathing exercises.

Remus desperately tried to do what Sirius had told him in his school years, but any thought of his boyfriend - no, ex - made him panic even more. Okay, uh. Maybe the ones that Madam Pomfrey did? They seemed to help. He'd had a panic attack in the Hospital Wing, after "The Prank" in 5th Year. Snape found out about Remus' problem because of Sirius. Oh fuck, it was always Sirius, wasn't it? Sirius was the one who let Snape find out about Remus' secret. Sirius was the one who betrayed James and Lily. Sirius was the one who hurt Remus the most. 

_Shit, Moony, stop getting distracted._

After what felt like hours, Madam Pomfrey's breathing exercises helped him regain control of his breathing. He was still sobbing, with his head in his hands, but at least he could breathe now. 

Remus heard a faint _whoosh _from his living room, but couldn't concentrate on it. He was still trying to process what had happened.__

___Oh my god. Lily, James and Peter are dead. Harry's an orphan. Sirius betrayed them. Sirius is a Death Eater. Sirius is in Azkaban._ _ _

___"Remus?" A familiar voice called. She seemed to be wandering around the house, looking for him._ _ _

___"In here, Professor." Remus croaked. Despite having left Hogwarts in 1978, he still couldn't bring himself to call McGonagall 'Minerva'._ _ _

___McGonagall opened the bathroom door, gasping at the state of it. The toilet was covered in vomit, and there was also some on the floor. Remus looked terrible; his cheeks were tear stained, he was shaking, his eyes were sunken...Minerva couldn't bare to see her former student in this state._ _ _

___"Oh, Merlin's beard, Remus." She had a very sympathetic look on her face, which was unusual for her. She cleaned up the vomit with a wave of her wand, and knelt down beside him. McGonagall put a hand firmly on his shoulder and smiled. "You'll make it through, I promise. Sometimes you feel like the world hates you, but really you just hate the world. It'll all be alright in the end."_ _ _

___Remus couldn't bring himself to say anything, he felt like someone had used the spell 'Langlock' on him. he just nodded, tears pricking in his eyes. She stood him up and embraced him. He felt stupid, but couldn't help crying into her shoulder._ _ _

___"Sorry, I didn't mean to-" He started, but McGonagall hushed him._ _ _

___"Don't apologise. I cannot imagine the pain you're in, feel free to let it out."_ _ _

___So Remus did. He cried until there were no tears left._ _ _

___***_ _ _

___Remus didn't have any healthy coping mechanisms._ _ _

___He stayed in bed for a week straight, yet didn't get any sleep._ _ _

___Not eating anything._ _ _

___Not showering or combing his hair._ _ _

___Not speaking to anyone._ _ _

___What did he do, though?_ _ _

___He drunk and smoked._ _ _

___Had panic attacks every day._ _ _

___Isolated himself._ _ _

___Threw up every morning, but it was all alcohol, never food._ _ _

___If it weren't for a letter he got one morning, he would've stayed in bed until he died and his corpse rotted._ _ _

___Remus woke up at 8:00am, exactly a week after his life was torn apart. I wouldn't exactly say 'woke up' as he was never asleep in the first place. He snapped out of his daydreams._ _ _

___He groaned, sitting up in his bed and squinting. Since when was his room so bright? He realised what had woken him: an owl sitting on the outside of his windowsill, tapping at the window impatiently. He stumbled out of bed, almost collapsing as he did, and opened the window. The owl flew in, landing on his bed and dropping the letter. It seemed to be quite battered. It sat there, clearly waiting for Remus to write a reply and give it to the bird._ _ _

___He half-heartedly opened the letter._ _ _

____Dear Remus,_ _ _ _

____Hope you are well. I'm greatly saddened by the events of last week, and I can't even begin to express how hard it must be on you._ _ _ _

____I wondered if you'd like to come round to ours tonight? I'll be cooking dinner, the kids have gone to a babysitter so you won't be bothered by them. It'll just be me, you and Arthur._ _ _ _

____Of course I'm not expecting you to come, I know it's very soon after what happened, but I think it'll do you some good._ _ _ _

____I look forward to hearing from you._ _ _ _

____Regards,_ _ _ _

____Molly Weasley. ____ _ _

_____Remus sat on the bed, rubbing his temples. Should he go? He really did need to get out. And oh Merlin, he hadn't eaten anything since last week._ _ _ _ _

_____He grumbled, scribbling a reply to Molly and attaching it to the owl's leg. It flew back out the window. For the first time in a week, he left his room and had a shower._ _ _ _ _

**Author's Note:**

> Ouch, hope you liked it! Let me know if you want another chapter or if I should leave it there.
> 
> If you're wondering about the phone, Remus was a half-blood, his mother being a muggle. Therefore, he knew how to use one, and taught Sirius how to as well. They shared the flat together, and decided there was no harm in having one for emergencies.


End file.
